25 Jul 2013
Posted by Aliyah 
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Throughout our Jewish Wedding 101 posts we aim to create a road map which outlines the events- separate articles are devoted to each entry on the list. Keep in mind- this is a preliminary guide, based on the historical model of a Jewish wedding. If your practice of Judaism tends to be more traditional in nature note the adjustments that can be made to create your unique Jewish wedding!
These are the elements of a Jewish wedding as outlined in the Talmudic tradition, which Conservative and Orthodox Rabbis will discuss with you in detail. If your practice of Judaism is more modern, then this list may be a starting point for you, from which you may draw inspiration in the creation of your own individualized Jewish wedding!
During the week prior to the wedding:
- Seclusion of the bride and groom, who may choose to refrain from seeing each other until their wedding day.
Although there is no religious law which requires it, many couples chose not to see each other in the days immediately prior to their wedding. Some do this for two or three days, others for a full week. This practice is meant to allow the bride and groom to spend time with their respective families before they leave to form a new family together. It also magnifies the impact of seeing one’s partner on the wedding day and brings each a renewed appreciation and awareness of the other.
Exceptions to the fast are made if the wedding is held on the evening after Shabbat or a religious festival, since these are joyous holidays and one is forbidden from fasting during such celebrations.
- Those with deceased parents may choose to visit their parents’ graves, or to have the El Maleh Rachamim – the traditional memorial prayer – recited at a Torah reading.
- The Aufruf
- On the evening prior to the wedding: bride visits the mikvah.
On the day of the wedding, before the festivities begin:
- At daybreak, the bride and groom begin their fast, if it is appropriate to do so.
As on Yom Kippur, because the wedding day is a day of cleansing and purification, it is customary to fast. The fast commences at daybreak and ends immediately after the wedding in the yichud room. Thus, the bride and groom commence their married lives by breaking their wedding day fast together. Symbolically, they begin the day’s ritual separately and finish them as a couple.
Exceptions to the fast are made if the wedding is held on the evening after Shabbat or a religious festival, since these are joyous holidays and one is forbidden from fasting during such celebrations.
One should also refrain from fasting if the wedding is on the following festive days:
Rosh Chodesh – the first day of the Hebrew month, except the month of Nissan.
Issru Chag – the day immediately following the last day of Passover, Shavuot, and Sukkot.
Hannukah, Purim, and Shushan Purim (the day immediately after Purim), the 15th of the month of Av, and the 15th of the month of Shvat.
One’s wedding day is sometimes referred to in Jewish thought as a personal Yom Kippur, a day of spiritual cleansing, atonement, and rebirth.
One should stop one’s fast immediately, if at any point, one begins to feel ill – the joyousness of the celebration takes precedence over fasting on this occasion.
- If the groom chooses, he visits the mikvah.
- The bride and groom both recite Viddui and Al Chet, the confessional prayers.
One’s wedding day is sometimes referred to in Jewish thought as a personal Yom Kippur, a day of spiritual cleansing, atonement, and rebirth. Thus, a bride and groom are encouraged to reflect upon their sins on the days prior to their wedding and to ask the forgiveness of anyone against whom they may have transgressed. On the day of the wedding, traditionally, each will also recite the confessional prayers, otherwise reserved for Yom Kippur.
On the wedding day, ceremonies in preparation for the marriage rites:
(More in depth posts on each of these are coming soon so stay tuned! I will be posting and explaining each one!)
- Kabbalat Panim, including the Hachnasat Kallah and the Chosen’s Tish
- The ketubah is signed, usually in the room where the groom is celebrating.
- The bedeken
- Guests of the wedding enter the space in which the ceremony will occur.
The marriage rites:
- The procession
- Hakafot: the circling of the groom
- Erusin: the engagement ceremony
- The ring ceremony
- The ketubah is read aloud by the officiant. It is then passed to the groom, who gives it to his bride, which thereby becomes her possession. (She will typically hand it to her parents or the maid of honor for safekeeping.)
- Nisuin: the marriage ceremony
- The breaking of the glass
- The recessional
- Yichud
- Seudat Mitzvah – the festive meal!
